Nobody warned me about the car ride home.
There I was, sitting in the back seat next to this tiny car seat, my husband driving at about 40km/h the whole way because neither of us could breathe properly, and all I could think was: we are taking this baby home. To our house. Where there are no nurses. And we are in charge now.
It was the longest 25-minute drive of my life.
If you’re in that first week right now or about to be, I want to tell you a few things that I wish someone had told me. Not the stuff in the books but THE REAL STUFF.
Nobody tells you that you might not feel what you expected to feel
Everyone talks about instant, overwhelming love. And sometimes that happens. But sometimes — and this is more common than anyone admits — you look at this small, red, slightly alien-looking person and feel something more like… stunned confusion.
You’re exhausted, sore. and just been through something enormous. This baby doesn’t smile, doesn’t recognise you yet, and mostly just screams or sleeps.
If the wave of emotion you feel isn’t pure joy, you’re not broken. You’re not a bad mother. Bonding takes time for a lot of us, and that’s okay. The feeling comes. It builds slowly and then one day it just knocks you flat.
Nobody tells you how much they poop
I’m sorry, but we have to talk about this.
You know babies poop. What you don’t know is the volume, the frequency, and the sheer chaos of it. The blowouts that go up the back. The moment you open a fresh nappy and immediately need another one. The way it somehow gets on things you cannot explain.
In the first few days, you’ll see dark, tar-like meconium. When you do, please remember to CALM DOWN as that’s normal, it’s what was in their system. Then it transitions to yellow and more, let’s say, liquid. If you’re breastfeeding, you’ll be tracking wet and dirty nappies like it’s your full-time job, because for now, it kind of is.
Practical tip: Keep nappy changes stocked in more than one place. You will not always make it to the nursery in time.
Nobody tells you that the feeding is its own entire world
Whether you’re breastfeeding, formula feeding, or figuring it out as you go, feeding a newborn in the first week is intense.
If you’re breastfeeding, your milk doesn’t come in immediately. For the first few days, your body produces colostrum, which is a thick, golden milk that’s exactly what your baby needs even though it feels like almost nothing. Your baby’s stomach at this point is roughly the size of a walnut, so small amounts are genuinely enough.
When the milk does come in, usually around day three to five, things get… a lot. Engorgement is real. Latching is hard. Nipples that have never done this before are not happy about it.
And cluster feeding where your baby feeds almost constantly for hours is completely normal and not a sign that you don’t have enough milk. It’s your baby telling your body to produce more. It’s exhausting and relentless and it does get better.
One thing that helped me: Stopping trying to track exactly how many minutes per side and just feeding until the baby seemed settled. The obsessive counting was making me more anxious, not less.
Nobody tells you about the night that time stops existing
At some point in the first week, you will be awake at 3am, then 4am, then somehow it’s 6am and you’re not sure if you slept or not, and the day and night have become one long continuous blur.
Newborns sleep around 16 to 18 hours a day but in short stretches, every two to three hours. Which means you are never getting more than two to three hours either. And those chunks are eaten into by feeding, burping, settling, and then lying there too wired to actually fall asleep before the next wake-up.
Here’s the honest advice: sleep when the baby sleeps is real advice, even though it’s annoying to hear. The dishes can wait. The messages can wait. The laundry (yes, it can also wait).
For Singapore mums: If you have a confinement nanny or a family member helping out those first weeks, let them help you out as you are not supposed to do this alone.
Nobody tells you that your baby’s skin will look weird
Peeling, blotchy, covered in tiny red bumps — newborn skin does all sorts of alarming things in the first week that are completely normal.
Newborn acne, dry flaking skin, a rash called erythema toxicum (harmless, sounds terrifying) — their skin is adjusting to being in the world for the first time after nine months in fluid. Most of it clears up on its own within a few weeks.
You don’t need to slather anything on it. Gentle, fragrance-free products if needed, and otherwise just leave it be.
Nobody tells you that the hardest part isn’t the baby
It’s everything around the baby.
The unsolicited advice that starts the moment you get home. The visitors who want to hold the baby when you’re not sure you’re ready. The in-laws who have opinions. The pressure sometimes felt, sometimes actual to be doing it a certain way.
In Singapore especially, there’s a lot of tradition and family expectation around the newborn period. Confinement rules. What you should eat. Who should visit and when. How you should be feeling.
You get to decide what advice you take and what you politely smile at and ignore. You’re the mother. This is your baby. The people around you mostly mean well, but you don’t have to implement every single thing they suggest.
What I actually wish someone had told me
That the first week is survival mode, and that’s fine.
That you don’t have to have a schedule yet. That there’s no right way to hold a baby, and you will figure it out through repetition, not through reading about it.
That it’s okay to cry. That it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. That asking for help isn’t a sign that you can’t do this as it’s a sign that you understand what you’re dealing with.
The first week is hard for almost everyone. The mums who make it look easy on Instagram had hard first weeks too and they just didn’t post about it.
You’re doing better than you think. Keep going.
