There is an unwritten script that seems to follow parents everywhere. Parents secretly miss having normal conversations.
You bump into an old friend at the supermarket while trying to convince a determined four-year-old that cereal does not count as dinner. A former colleague spots you at the MRT station after years apart. Someone recognises you at a wedding just as you’re wondering whether you’ll make it through the evening before the babysitter starts texting.
The conversation almost always begins the same way.
“How have you been?”
“I’m good.”
“How are the kids?”
And just like that, the next ten minutes become a wonderfully familiar exchange about school holidays, enrichment classes, bedtime routines, picky eating, rising childcare costs and how children somehow develop the remarkable ability to outgrow perfectly good shoes every few months.
None of these conversations are unpleasant because parents genuinely enjoy talking about their children. Given the chance, most of us can probably provide a remarkably detailed account of the latest playground drama, explain why one child suddenly refuses to eat anything green or passionately debate whether tuition lessons should come before piano lessons.
The funny thing is that, somewhere between discussing lunchboxes and laundry, many parents quietly forget that they once knew how to talk about themselves too.
Parents Secretly Miss Having A Normal Conversation Before Having Kids
It isn’t because parents no longer have hobbies, opinions or dreams. Those parts never really disappear. They simply become buried beneath calendars filled with school events, grocery lists and reminders to buy another packet of wet wipes because someone has inevitably finished the last one without telling anyone.
One afternoon, I overheard two colleagues chatting on the train after what sounded like months apart.
One asked about the other’s children.
The other asked about his wife.
They spoke warmly about family holidays, ageing parents and the latest virus making its way through childcare centres before arriving at the inevitable conclusion that every parent knows so well.
“So… that’s about it.”
There wasn’t an awkward silence between them. They simply seemed to have reached the end of what they believed parents talked about.
As the train continued its journey, I couldn’t help wondering how different that conversation might have been if someone had asked a slightly different question. Not because family life is unimportant, but because parents are still people whose worlds extend far beyond the walls of home.
Somewhere Along the Way, We Stopped Talking About Ourselves
Ask a parent what they have become unexpectedly interested in lately and you might unlock a conversation that neither of you saw coming.
One father could happily spend twenty minutes explaining why he has become completely fascinated by hand-brewed coffee, despite insisting only a year ago that instant coffee tasted perfectly fine. Somewhere between early morning feeds and school drop-offs, he discovered that grinding coffee beans before sunrise felt oddly therapeutic, and now owns equipment that resembles something from a chemistry laboratory.
Another parent might tell you about the balcony garden that was supposed to produce herbs for family dinners but has instead become a sanctuary for butterflies, squirrels and the occasional pigeon with questionable manners. The tomatoes have yet to survive, but hope, as it turns out, remains remarkably resilient.
Then there are the parents who rediscover interests they thought they had left behind years ago. It could spark a little sweetness to find out their life before becoming a parent.
The mother who quietly returned to painting after finding her old watercolour set while clearing a cupboard.
The father who finally bought the guitar he promised himself at university, only to realise his fingers remember far less than his heart does.
The couple who signed up for tennis because they decided life was too short to keep saying, “Maybe next year.”
These stories rarely appear on social media because they are not particularly dramatic.
They are simply reminders that becoming a parent adds to a person’s identity rather than replacing it.
The Questions That Bring Parents Back to Life
Perhaps one of the nicest questions anyone has ever asked me wasn’t about parenting at all.
“What made you laugh this week?”
It took me a moment to answer, not because nothing funny had happened, but because I had grown so accustomed to reporting on family logistics that I had almost forgotten how enjoyable it was to tell a story simply because it was amusing.
I ended up describing how one child confidently explained that vegetables only become healthy if they are arranged in rainbow order, while the other insisted that the family dog deserved his own birthday party because “he has feelings too.”
By the end of the conversation, we were both laughing so hard that people nearby began smiling without knowing why. It struck me afterwards that the story wasn’t really about the children.
It was about joy.
Parents often miss conversations like these because they remind us that life is made up of more than responsibilities. There is still room for curiosity, laughter and wonderfully pointless discussions about whether pineapple belongs on pizza or why everyone suddenly seems obsessed with pickleball.
If you really want to make a parent’s day, ask them what they have learned recently that has nothing to do with raising children. Many parents secretly miss talking about recent news or investment.
You may even discover that the quiet father from accounting has developed an impressive knowledge of Japanese trains after planning a family holiday, or that the mother from marketing has become remarkably good at identifying birds because her children insisted on feeding them every Saturday morning.
The conversations become interesting because they reveal personality rather than routine.
The Unexpected Conversations Parents Secretly Miss Having
Of course, parents don’t help themselves sometimes.
We often joke that people only ask about our children, yet when someone genuinely asks how we are doing, many of us instinctively reply, “Oh, Ethan just started Primary Two,” before realising we have completely ignored the question.
Old habits have a funny way of following us around.
Perhaps we simply need a little practice remembering that we are allowed to be the subject of the conversation too.
Parents are wonderfully capable of turning almost any topic back to family life. We laugh about these things because they’re true. Family life has a way of becoming the soundtrack to everything else.
Yet beneath those wonderfully ordinary stories is still the person who once debated films over supper, spent weekends wandering through bookshops without checking the time or excitedly planned holidays based entirely on food recommendations.
That person never disappeared.
They’ve simply been waiting for someone to invite them back into the conversation.
The Best Conversations Are the Ones That Have Nothing to Solve
The next time you catch up with a parent, by all means ask how the family is doing because those questions matter. Children, partners and home life will always be treasured parts of who they are.
Then ask something else.
Ask what they have become curious about, the book which has kept them awake far later than they intended, what they are looking forward to once the school holidays are over, and the hobby they would take up if weekends magically became forty-eight hours longer.
None of these questions are particularly profound, yet they have an extraordinary way of reminding someone that they are still seen as an individual rather than simply the organiser of school timetables, grocery lists and family calendars.
Sometimes the most meaningful conversations are not the ones that solve problems. They are the ones that gently remind us who we have always been.
The Person Behind “Mum” and “Dad” Never Left
We never stop loving conversations about their families because our children are, and always will be, one of the greatest joys of our lives.
What parents secretly miss from time to time are the conversations that wander into places with no agenda at all. Those conversations remind us that becoming a parent never erased the rest of who we are.
The traveller is still there.
The amateur baker who still burns banana bread is still there.
Perhaps that is why the nicest conversations aren’t necessarily the ones where someone asks how the children are doing.
They’re the ones where, after asking about the family, someone smiles and follows it with another question.
“So… what have you been excited about lately?”
For many parents, the answer has been there all along.
They’ve simply been waiting for someone to ask because parents secretly miss having a normal life, just like the one you live in.
